CRITIC'S CHOICE

WINE, WOMEN AND SONG 
Punker-cum-folkie Kern Richards sings about the important things in life
My all-time-favorite old-school tattoo features a Betty Boop-looking babe perched atop a martini 
glass underlined by the phrase "Man's Ruin."  I have no idea if singer-songwriter  Kern Richards 
has such a tattoo, but after listening to his eponymous debut EP, I have no doubt he'd agree with 
the sentiment.  If lyrical content is any sort of gauge, Richards, former rythym guitarist for the 
obscure and now defunct Orange County punk band Pig Children, has obviously spent way too 
much time hanging out in bars thinking about women. 

     "At 100 pounds she could sink a tanker / She ain't heavy, she's an anchor," he sings in a husky 
baritone on the humorously titled "She Ain't Heavy."   In later verses, he rhymes anchor with 
"spank her," "rancor" and "chancre," providing valuable clues to said woman's pedigree. 

     Richards is a storyteller, and the four songs on the EP all concern loneliness, boozing or female 
trouble—sometimes all three at once.  But it's not as depressing as it appears: Richards' acoustic 
guitar picking is chirpy and pleasant, and while the words are bleak, they're often delivered with 
tongue firmly in cheek. 

     Once the man comes to town, he stays.  Kern Richards plays a presumably quiet set on 
Thursday, March 31, at the Ravenous Cafe, 420 Center St., Healdsburg. 707.431.1302.  On April 
Fool's Day, he performs a 5pm gig at Zebulon's Lounge (21 Fourth St., Petaluma, 707.769.7948), 
before heading back up to H'burg for a Sock Hop dance party featuring cow-punk faves the Feud 
as well as Chrome Johnson in a wild night of adult tomfoolery and sweat.  Raven Theater, 
115 North St., Healdsburg. 8pm.  $10-$15. 707.433.6335. 
                                                                                                                                           R. V. Scheide